Our Neighborhood
We walk to friends’ houses to play.
We no longer walk to the ravine, or the lookout.
I drive on the freeway way more than I ever have the whole time I’ve lived in Seattle (since 1992!).
I think about the river. I see the ocean.
The park we play it is at the top of a big hill.
Our “Yard”
I do maintenance work with other people (who aren’t related to me by blood).
We have a vegetable garden.
The kids go outside, out of my sight, to the common house.
We have a pond.
There are no cars onsite. The kids ride their bikes down the cobblestone path.
Energy
I have a consciousness about where I spend time and why… This one might be a post in itself, but it has to do with a clearer sense of input/output… how what we do socially can be fulfilling or depleting and how to be aware of that and find ways to stay on the side of fulfilling.
Rom seems like the extrovert and I seem like the introvert. Totally unexpected, though it’s been a joy to enjoy Rom in his element in this way. Taking care of the kids and hanging with other parents. Taking the lead on a community project. Dancing all night at the New Year’s Party. Plunging in the ice-cold ocean on New Year’s Day for the “Polar Bear Swim.”
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| We got there late, and these neighbors went BACK IN, just so Rom didn’t have to go alone. Now that’s community! |
Common House
We eat there, cook and clean. We spend less money on groceries. (I didn’t anticipate this, even though I knew we’d be eating common meals a few times a week.) I do my laundry there. I get my mail there. I attend meetings, meditate, watch the kids (not just my kids), have conversations, watch my husband play pool, deep clean the sofas, share joys and concerns, swap clothes, clean up toys, and play foosball with Orlando there. At the common house.
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| these plans are not for our common house, but our common house is similar |
Our House
We get rid of things. I cannot believe that since we’ve moved here, we have made at least three trips to Goodwill, even after all we got rid of before the move.
I clean up the kitchen regularly (I guess because it’s right there in the middle of our living space).
Rom and I share an office, which feels cozy and good.
The kids have a bed in their room, which they sometimes sleep in. 
When I’m inside my house, I know almost every person I see walking outside.
We have two bathrooms. Woo-hoo! We’re living the American Dream! (Well, sort of, except for the hippy-dippy living in community thing.)
19 comments
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January 28, 2011 at 1:51 am
debbiedas
I so love the idea of living in an intentional community. A friend of mine and I have discussed buying land and building two houses on it to share in the gardening and meals and child-rearing. Only problem is we parent very differently.
I think it's an awesome idea though and sounds as if it is working out so wel for you guys. xo
January 28, 2011 at 11:28 am
MJ
I am so intrigued by your experience that you are sharing with us! In my heart I have always known that finding the right community is more important than finding the right home. We are in a state of limbo right now as we put our house on the market and have a not so solid idea of where to move. We think VA, but we have friends in Seattle imploring us to come visit and check it out. We think, rain? after so much sunshine in FL? Do you love Seattle? Would you recommend the same?
.
Anyway, I need about 10 more hours to explore your site, and am enjoying what I have found so far
January 28, 2011 at 12:17 pm
Janice
I love to hear about your intentional community. I dreamed of eventually joining a cohousing community myself a few years ago, but I don't think my husband would be interested in it. I love the idea! So good that it is working out for your family.
January 28, 2011 at 2:58 pm
Hillary
I love hearing about it. I did a semester in college where we traveled to visit intentional communities around the world. Two were eco-villages in the US. There is also an amazing eco-village near us that we get to visit b/c friends live there. I'm so happy you're settling in and reaping all the benefits of living in community.
January 28, 2011 at 5:58 pm
mb
i love to hear about your cohousing experience. so interesting about how it has brought out different sides of you and your partner's personality- fascinating! i also love the insights about “consciousness about where i spend my time” and will look forward to the expanded post-of-its-own on that topic.
see? now you're committed!
January 28, 2011 at 7:22 pm
mindfulmixture
I love one of the commenter's point about community being more important than a home. My husband and I are still searching for community. It's tough, with my sensitivities to chemicals both airborne and in foods, I have to have the purest of environments and we wonder if we could ever find something like co-housing that would work for us. It sounds like what you have is working well for you. We know another family who lives in co-housing, and they have loved it as well.
By the way, thanks for the sweet comments recently! And I can't believe you guys did the local polar bear plunge!!!! Brave!
January 28, 2011 at 9:11 pm
Dreamingaloudnet
Come and see what I wrote about energy – taking the idea of climate change and the energy crisis as an internal, personal idea, rather than just a problem “out there”.
http://dreamingaloudnet.blogspot.com/2010/11/creating-climate-change-from-within.html
I am envious of co-housing. We did that with our in laws for a few years, which was enough for me” But would love to share with like minded people in community.
January 28, 2011 at 10:19 pm
Stacy (Mama-Om)
@debbiedas — the parenting thing can be tricky for sure! There are differences in families here, though to be honest, we are all on the same end of the continuum. It has been an interesting process for me to “come out” as an unschooler, both to other families and people with grown children. I think most people “get” it though it is the first time they've heard of it. That said, there are a couple of unschooling-friendly families and one other homeschooling family, so that is nice! And in general, the people here are really so very thoughtful and mature, in which case differences can truly exist with the space they need.
@ MJ — you'll have to visit and see for yourselves, but I can imagine the weather here being very challenging after Florida! It is not so much the amount of rain, but there are a lot of overcast/drizzly days in the winter (and spring and fall) that can drive people mad. I don't mind it — the temperature is mild, the scenery is green, and the flowers bloom in February!
January 28, 2011 at 10:46 pm
Stacy (Mama-Om)
@Hillary — Now I'm all intrigued by ecovillages! Just the other day I was daydreaming that we could have our own homestead here… but we'd need more land! I think the community may at least be getting chickens, which I think my boys would absolutely love.
@mindfulmixture — I definitely think that so much of living in community is finding that balance between the needs of the individual and of the community. What I love about living here is that people are very dedicated to respectful communication and real collaboration. It makes all the difference, especially if/when a mutually agreeable solution is hard to arrive at.
I know here we never use vacuums in the common house that have been used in homes with cats b/c of one woman's allergy.
Also, common meals aren't required — though the common house is used for all kinds of things… depending on your needs it seems like it might be possible for a community to make a commitment to having the common house a certain way that met your needs.
Meals are also doable… but it would depend. I have various food sensitivities, none of which are serious (i.e., I can have contact or even ingest small amounts of food I am sensitive to without serious consequences). However, when we first moved in, my body was having a really hard time because I would eat the community meals even when they contained food I was sensitive to. It was just small amounts but it was frequent and varied enough that my body started rebelling. Then there was the night I chose the vegan entree not realizing it was made of gluten. Fun!
I am not the only person with sensitivities or special needs, and the meals committee just revamped the sign-ups so now people can choose check boxes for gluten-free, dairy-free, vegan, and every combo thereof (you used to be able to choose only one — either gluten-free or dairy-free, for example), so that's nice. The meals committee here wants people to enjoy their meals, which makes it easier to find something that works for everyone (i.e., people can eat it but the cooks aren't driven insane preparing it).
January 28, 2011 at 10:54 pm
Stacy (Mama-Om)
@mindfulmixture — one more thing!
Only my husband (the result of his newfound extroversion, I guess!) went in the water — the ocean!! And we did it with just our neighbors… I didn't know there was a big event, but I found it online just now. Funny.
January 29, 2011 at 12:18 pm
Woman Laughing
Oh, wow, this sounds so lovely. I've always wondered what it would be like, though I am such a loner at heart that it's difficult to imagine myself in such an environment. But one never knows .. perhaps when I'm done with my quiet time, I will be ready for something like this. Or not
.
I hope you are doing wonderfully and enjoying your time there.
xooxox
January 29, 2011 at 12:21 pm
Woman Laughing
I should have included my name so you know who the xoooxox is coming from
.
Juliana
January 29, 2011 at 2:45 pm
Jennie
I love the talk of the common house! It just makes so much sense. Enjoy your hippy little community for us. LOL
January 29, 2011 at 5:53 pm
erin
It does make sense on so many levels. I live rurally, and when we first moved (3 years ago) we were excited about all of the homelearners we were told lived out our way…they turned out to be very structured home-SCHOOLERS and not very open to unschooling philosophies! So we travel often to visit friends which can be it's own stress. An intentional farm community is something we'd love to be part of one day.
So glad you are experiencing such growth as a family and such pleasure. May the winds keep blowing sweetness your way!!
~Erin xo
January 30, 2011 at 9:49 pm
Tiffanie
fascinating. thanks for sharing. : )
January 30, 2011 at 11:57 pm
Brynn
I am so intrigued by your family's process. It sounds like an 'unschooling' journey, perhaps, for all. It must be so invigorating to learn just how to rid of excess in order to find and preserve peace in what is just enough. I appreciate your courageousness and look forward to following along your journey, living (at least partially) vicariously through your created sense of freedom.
February 1, 2011 at 4:18 am
mommymystic
Thanks for sharing, I loved hearing about your hippie-dippie living in community thing:-) it's interesting and hopeful and inspiring. – Lisa
February 2, 2011 at 2:18 pm
cypress sun
This doesn't seem all hippy dippy to me, but rather a move that makes sense for the planet! At the same time, I like hearing your perspective on the differences and the challenges.
I could so easily (I think!) move into this sort of arrangement while my husband dreams of building an eco-home on lots of land.
I'd like to think that the time spent on house maintenance would diminish dramatically in a co-housing set up…but I guess that might not be the case?
February 2, 2011 at 5:03 pm
Stacy (Mama-Om)
@cypress sun — I know, I thought the hippy-dippy comment was funny because of the few times people would ask me, “So you moved to a commune?!”
I actually didn't know anything about ecovillages until Hilary's comment on this post and have since been reading about them (and heard about them again from a different source — funny how that synchronicity works!).
Anyway, about work and maintenance. I would say our personal and financial commitment to upkeep on our house is WAY lower. We lived in a 100-year-old house before and were not prepared financially or personally (we are not DIYers) to take on the projects it needed. The exterior of the house is taken care of by the community and paid for through our dues (i.e., if/when we need new a roof, structural problems, leaks, etc.), so that is a big relief for us personally.
In terms of community work — we just revamped our work system, so we can choose two two-hour shifts over the course of four months, either cleaning the common house, doing outdoor jobs, mowing the lawn, etc. (We used to be assigned a weekend to work with our chore team once every three month to clean the common house.)
And we have all-day work parties a few times a year, one of which you're entitled to miss. So, it's not that much maintenance work. Though there is also your committee work (can be 0-3 hours a week), and working for the meals program, if you want to eat!
The idea is that for eight meals, each adult in the household would work two shifts a month. The shifts are either to cook, clean, or shop. You can do both shifts in one meal or spread it around or… There is no one keeping track. It's an honor system.
Well, I think I will have to turn this into a post on its own!